LOVE, LIGHT and BIRTH

I know i am running on mother's love while thoughts, feelings and sentiments course through me well past midnight and I need to share them in print. I am still winding down from giving my daughter Iris a baby shower yesterday that became a thoughtful, collaborative, creative project over the last several weeks.

When Iris and I first spoke of her guest list it became evident that the whole concept behind this was to gather very special women who have held a particular place in the history of her "becoming" who she is. She has always been a child of the universe, with a village of wise women she has adopted along the way. As her mother, I vowed to guide her and not block her from being herself. I learned this through the transmission of my mother's wisdom to me.

Perhaps all good mothers/fathers/and wise adults come to this realization along the way. Learning to nurture, protect and support the natural developmental growth process of a child allows a child to become comfortable in one's own skin.  Years ago, I heard or read that  If a child can see one's own reflection through the clear eyes of the nurturing parent, then the child will grow to recognize and know his or her true self.  It is through the self becoming aware of the self  that keener senses are awakened . In time, these senses come into sharper focus. This is how one learns who and what to trust. 

Bringing all these wise women together yesterday to celebrate, bless and honor my daughter as she comes into motherhood reminded me of this truth.  People say she is glowing. I know she is. Her light comes from both within her as well as from those who were present. Each wise woman brought their own light and clarity as well. Some described the day as magical. I saw that each one present was a star that glowed. The women gathered into constellations with their light shining around her.

Imagine how the world would be, if you and everyone else accepted an invitation to be a clear reflection for another.

Imagine, how you would be, if you and everyone else were fertile with possibilities awaiting to be birthed and that what was required was your dedicated support, nurturance and attention and a constellation of support..

Imagine that you vowed to get out of our own way and let yourself manifest your destiny.

Imagine that everyone is particpating in the birthing and rebirthing of our human consciousness all the time, and perfecting the bearing and labor of love.

Imagine this is happening whether you imagine it or not. 

THE SPACES, PLACES IN OUR LIVES WE CALL HOME

For months now, I have been wanting to sit down long enough to write and share the internal process that I experience when I challenge myself to tackle activities that require clearing out the old, discovering anew and reclaiming the value found in the abandoned or forgotten spaces. These spaces I speak of exist, both inside me and outside me, in my home and in my environments. There are the closets, the archival attic, and the weeded, tangled corners of my mind, as well as my outdoor property, that have spaces and places that need attention.

Although to most, I am considered a pretty organized person, not a pack rat, life never stands still while I sip my coffee and take five. I can hear the weeds growing in my garden, so what do I do, but turn up the music louder.  I am convinced that there are just some days, weeks, months and now years like that in our lives. While we have to accept that our motivations wax and wane like the moon cycles, karma never forgets. There is always that one day when we have to face our spaces, our places. Unless of course, you are like my mother who just left it all for her children to inherit. It still makes me wonder what kind of karmic debt she carries in her afterlife? I have the feeling though, she got one of those monopoly game cards that said "Go Free and Collect $200". 

Recently, while wrestling vines in the backyard that were strangling trees and flowering bushes, I discovered that I could weave those menacing flexible, pliable vines around my door way into a textural, sculptural arch. It was to my surprise and delight that 24hrs. later, a pair of morning dove selected this as a perfect nesting site; shortly after, my moon flowers and morning glories began their ascent too. I was reminded that transformation is a creative process that emerges out of the willingness to address the ugliest of situations. Being a therapist, I have been witness to many profound healings that began with difficult and painful histories. I was also reminded of the teachings of Dr. Carl Jung, an Austrian psychiatrist, analytic seeker of metaphor and the collective unconscious, who spoke to the essential birthrights and evolution of man's consciousness to carry the creative archetype of the Magician. It is this alchemist in us that knows how to  turn the unhealthy into health, the dark into light, fear into love and backyard messes into beauty. 

My latest task at hand, as a Magician, is the arduous process of clearing out a thirty year attic of family memories. I am reminded of who I was as a young woman, mother, spouse, student, entrepreneur, healer and therapist. I am also reminded of who I am not any longer as I attempt to squeeze into my old pair of leather, hip hugger, bell bottoms! The love letters, postcards and photos I discover force me to review the naivete, idealism, impulsiveness, willfulness, adventurous, romantic and visionary person I was. In these moments, as I stand in the sweltering heat of the attic before my personal heaven and hell while the sweat pours down my face, I become choked up.

I am feeling my life before me. A life that could not have been more passionately lived. A life that was bold with beliefs and convictions that carved out my destiny. A life that was blind to understanding my own parts in sabotaging happiness and acceptance. A life of unconditional love visible in the tattered remnants of hand made items, valentine cards and children's toys. A life that always asked questions and always sought answers. A life lived with doubt, pain and sadness. A life of laughter, playfulness and wonder. A life of dreams that came true in expected and unexpected ways. A life lived unafraid to know the truth.

The questions that I carry down with me as I descend from the steps of the attic, are full of their own cobwebs and the light of day will help bring clarity to answer them. Who am I now? What in me remains the same? How have I evolved or devolved? What within myself have I forgotten or stored away until now when I can better appreciate its value? What do I want or still need to reclaim from myself, if anything?  Doesn't it come as no surprise at all why we postpone facing the spaces, the places, that we call home?

Blessings

LIVING ON LOVE

Yesterday, my friend Nancy Bellis was speaking about some pets that she has known that lived far beyond their years. They defied statistics and her only resolute was that they knew how to "live on love". This comment got me thinking again about the power of love as the unmeasurable variable that can heal and nurture creatures and humans alike to live well beyond expectation. This L factor coupled with a strong will, which we humans possess, can create astonishing results. 

I have a dear friend and Gestalt mentor Mariah Fenton Gladis, who has outlived a deadly prognosis of ALS by more than thirty years. She learned how to arrest the rapid progression of this automimmune disease with her invincible, wise spirit that drew on the best of her own internal resources, natural medicine, some allopathic treatment and a constant tap on love from all the right places.  Her will to live came from her determination to give birth to a family of two sons and be around to guide and love them through their adults lives. In her book, Tales of a Wounded Healer, Mariah speaks of battling her own demons as well as helping others to do so. In her professional role as a therapist, teacher and survivor her message is clear.  The power of love which includes self love, is the force that can help us thrive beyond survive.

I recall how my father Daniel Gayda survived a massive heart attack that left him with only 22% of a functioning heart when he was only 58 years old. His doctors gave him 1% chance of survival. In his weakest hour, he found the courage, will and love to beat all odds .He later shared with me that Love was his single focus and his will to live followed.  He was aware that I was about to give birth to my daughter and his untimely death would have crushed my spirit. He knew he could not overshadow her birth with his death. What power love has when coupled with will, to defy death! My father's desire to live on love granted him another 11&1/2 happy and passionate years.

There is no secret that surrounding yourself in an environment of nurturing and loving people provides a sustenance that is restorative. It is when these ideal situations may not be present that one really needs to be an advocate for oneself and seek higher ground.  A friend of mine dealing with cancer decided to tell her husband that he had to leave their marriage because the levels of tension that continued to exist between them became a serious distraction for her in her own healing process. In her most vulnerable condition, she demonstrated great courage to listen to her truth and choose what was best for herself.

Living on love is dependent upon being open and receptive to listening deeply to your needs and responding wholeheartedly to yourself.  It is not to be confused with narcissim. Only through demonstrating self love can one also be truly present and loving to another.  It takes a great deal of practice to be vulnerable to love, especially if one's heart, which is a physical muscle, and a physio-emotional organ, has not been sufficiently exercised over the years. Rejection, loss, pain and hurt are real injuries that require special healing. Finding a heart based therapist can be your equivalent to a personal trainer. 

Next time your dog rolls over and wants a belly rub or your cat nestles in your lap, realize that you may be extending their life, one stroke at a time.  Next time you need a hug, your hand held or a shoulder of comfort and strength to cry on, find someone who can give you what you need. Next time your inner voice asks you to respond to a need that only you are capable of giving, do so willingly. Thank those in your life for the love they give you and thank yourself for receiving it. Thank yourself for the love you share with others and give to yourself. Keep love alive by breathing it in and out. Love breathes our life, moves our spirit and our will follows. Allow yourself to live on love. You may just find that you have extended your life or some one elses, for many more sweet days to come.

Peace 

What's Behind A New Year Resolution?

For many years,  when I considered making New Year resolutions they were usually framed around the urgency of immediate realities that glared at me in the mirror, groaned when I opened my checkbook or shrieked when I stood on my scale. The only solution I had to offer myself back then that could offset the internal pressure I felt was to go on the offensive. I learned to dive into my fears, be proactive, embrace challenges before they could surround me. In other words, I became purposeful, self accomplished, an enthousiastic control freak, very disciplined and someone who used her will forces to avoid becoming trapped in anything. This time served me well as it did others; but, it was not meant to become a way of life.

Only later, did I realize that I was living my life with an unnecessary "hard will".  Although, I was trust worthy that I could get "the job done", I wasn't having a lot of fun while doing so.  I had plenty of purpose, heart and soul but my spirit searched for levity. In time, it became apparent that life did not want more from me, but for me.  I willingly changed.

When i think now about the willful power behind individual New Year resolutions, I am in awe of the potential at hand. I applaud and support everyone who gives their word to a new resolute and puts their passion behind it. I believe that the more our free will forces are engaged in a harmonious way that benefits the greater good of self and other, the more cooperative forces appears on the scene. Ultimately, if you start the ball rolling it will gain momentum and come full circle!

I find myself in this New Year standing in gratitude on a much softer ground. I have learned to allow my footprints to yield into the Earth Mother that breathes me. I relax my body into her receptive state, bring in her feminine energies and accept that I only need to meet life half way. I have shape shifted out of the hard minded, hard bodied self and am living more fully in the balance between the feminine and masculine within. I bring my feminine warrior with me but she bears no arms. She brings only the wisdom of her age and those who come before her.  I have become softer now but not weaker. I know how and when to play between my and others soft and hard will. I am content to meet others also standing on the same middle ground. A sacred ground that can support all of our resolved and unresolved intentions.  In time, I have realized that all New Year resolutions are a conscious invitation to participate in the ever evolving game called self mastery. 

I wish you a Blessed New Year !

The Seasonal Power of Myth and Wonder

Recently, I sat around a dinner table with friends who were sharing their memories of holidays as children. We laughed about the family dynamics of Thanksgiving and then the topic of Christmas arose. Although, most of my friends at the table that night were of Jewish descent, to my surprise I discovered that their families made allowances for all their children to invite the magic of Santa Claus into their homes.

The conversations I heard were quite interesting. Each adult shared their family tradition of gift giving and then their very personal, heart sinking experience the day they were told that there was no real Santa Claus. Each one recalled in detail, where they were, who was the person who told them and how they felt . The memory was described as an awful moment for them because it marked a loss of innocence.  Once the wonderous belief in a Santa was gone, was there any magic left in the world to believe in? What else was also a lie?  These shared experiences of feeling shaken in their belief systems speak to the fragility of youth. How often we forget that the hardness of realities much greater than this simple example can rob a child of the power of wonderment in the world?

 This got me to thinking about the power of the myth and what occurs to a child who is prematurely stripped of their beliefs and myths?  Myths exist as universal templates in which the soul's imagination breathes color and enlivens one's world. The stories that accompanies myths develop a capacity to stretch beyond logic enough to believe in a sense of "more" to life than what meets the eye. Albert Einstein said " There are two ways you can live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle or you can live as if everything is a miracle".  Without one's  little miracles which thus exercise one's capacity for imagination to be in wonder, the human mind and spirit becomes dim.

I recall stories of friends and clients who as children never had the opportunity to look forward to something special or if they did on occassion, then they clung onto the memory like a beautiful ornament hanging on a golden thread. Every child's mind and heart needs the power of some magic in their life to stir them toward the myth and mystery of believing in more. Adult children who lack experiences of wonder in their lives become hungry and restless wanderers. Their search for "more" is a desire to fill an emptiness within the soul that remains unmet. Many times those wanderers become seekers who ultimately discover that the greatest wonder of all is that everything is love and they too are lovable and worthy of feeling loved.  

If you chose to give a gift during this time of year, as most cultures find a reason to celebrate during the Season of Light, do remember to appeal to the wonder in all persons. Remember that every adult needs a reason to believe again that the world holds the return of light even in the darkest of hours; be reminded when you raise your eyes toward the winter sky that the stars in the heavens are streaming their light toward you. Allow yourself to reconnect with your ancestors and know you are not alone; behold the twinkle lights, bathe in the crystal world of snow, share your light with every one you meet and remember the Spirit of giving does its' magic only when we let the child in us believe once again.

Blessings, Happy Hanukah and Merry Christmas