LIVING ON LOVE

Yesterday, my friend Nancy Bellis was speaking about some pets that she has known that lived far beyond their years. They defied statistics and her only resolute was that they knew how to "live on love". This comment got me thinking again about the power of love as the unmeasurable variable that can heal and nurture creatures and humans alike to live well beyond expectation. This L factor coupled with a strong will, which we humans possess, can create astonishing results. 

I have a dear friend and Gestalt mentor Mariah Fenton Gladis, who has outlived a deadly prognosis of ALS by more than thirty years. She learned how to arrest the rapid progression of this automimmune disease with her invincible, wise spirit that drew on the best of her own internal resources, natural medicine, some allopathic treatment and a constant tap on love from all the right places.  Her will to live came from her determination to give birth to a family of two sons and be around to guide and love them through their adults lives. In her book, Tales of a Wounded Healer, Mariah speaks of battling her own demons as well as helping others to do so. In her professional role as a therapist, teacher and survivor her message is clear.  The power of love which includes self love, is the force that can help us thrive beyond survive.

I recall how my father Daniel Gayda survived a massive heart attack that left him with only 22% of a functioning heart when he was only 58 years old. His doctors gave him 1% chance of survival. In his weakest hour, he found the courage, will and love to beat all odds .He later shared with me that Love was his single focus and his will to live followed.  He was aware that I was about to give birth to my daughter and his untimely death would have crushed my spirit. He knew he could not overshadow her birth with his death. What power love has when coupled with will, to defy death! My father's desire to live on love granted him another 11&1/2 happy and passionate years.

There is no secret that surrounding yourself in an environment of nurturing and loving people provides a sustenance that is restorative. It is when these ideal situations may not be present that one really needs to be an advocate for oneself and seek higher ground.  A friend of mine dealing with cancer decided to tell her husband that he had to leave their marriage because the levels of tension that continued to exist between them became a serious distraction for her in her own healing process. In her most vulnerable condition, she demonstrated great courage to listen to her truth and choose what was best for herself.

Living on love is dependent upon being open and receptive to listening deeply to your needs and responding wholeheartedly to yourself.  It is not to be confused with narcissim. Only through demonstrating self love can one also be truly present and loving to another.  It takes a great deal of practice to be vulnerable to love, especially if one's heart, which is a physical muscle, and a physio-emotional organ, has not been sufficiently exercised over the years. Rejection, loss, pain and hurt are real injuries that require special healing. Finding a heart based therapist can be your equivalent to a personal trainer. 

Next time your dog rolls over and wants a belly rub or your cat nestles in your lap, realize that you may be extending their life, one stroke at a time.  Next time you need a hug, your hand held or a shoulder of comfort and strength to cry on, find someone who can give you what you need. Next time your inner voice asks you to respond to a need that only you are capable of giving, do so willingly. Thank those in your life for the love they give you and thank yourself for receiving it. Thank yourself for the love you share with others and give to yourself. Keep love alive by breathing it in and out. Love breathes our life, moves our spirit and our will follows. Allow yourself to live on love. You may just find that you have extended your life or some one elses, for many more sweet days to come.

Peace 

The Nourishment of Silence

On a recent visit to hear the Phila. Orchestra, I was struck by my own need, after the concert, for a pure silence to accompany me on my ride home. I thought it was a bit curious that I was so insistent and sensitive to this need for silence, until I tuned into my body and experienced just how 'full' I felt. I became aware that it wasn't possible for me to ingest anything more. I had partaken in an auditory, sensory feast that was  equivalent to the excellent meal that filled me on Thanksgiving Day. Now I simply had to digest the richness that had filled my senses. A protective womb of silence would provide the space I needed for me to do just that. 

This experience, although not new to me, got me thinking about silence as an essential factor in one's metabolic and psychic health. In our culture, learning to be comfortable in and with silence is easily swallowed up by our insatiable, addictive appetites for the latest information that comes across our air waves. Acquiring a developed taste for inner silence isn't easy to achieve on a constant full stomach.

I remember years ago working with a businessman that came to me for stress relief. Through our conversations about his lifestyle and work habits, he shared that he travelled most days and would end each evening, after a long day of meetings and sales, watching tv. until he fell asleep.  It became evident that what he suffered from was too much stimuli and a lack of silence that could have helped him tune into his own personal rhythm and decompress naturally. Although this isn't an uncommon scenario, it does speak to a broader social addiction that requires constant feeding and creates  a condition I refer to as a"psychic obesity".  How possible is it for one to extract the fullest sense of meaning, essence or nutrients from a present moment experience when systems are already operating on overload? How this translates to our bodies is a topic for another day.

   Fritz Perls , co-founder of Gestalt Therapy identified physio/psycho/emotional health as a human being's basic need to process life's experiences in an uninterrupted, metabolic fashion that could allow for proper assimilation, digestion and elimination. In other words, we are naturally hardwired to break down life experiences one bite at a time. Ask any dream therapist, psychotherapist, holistic doctor or nutritionist. Nothing that is worth chewing on escapes the inner self; and, what we choose to ignore always comes back to bite us in the .... Lastly, everything else that is indigestible requires our rightful refusal.  These principles are whole body wisdom.

 I have one simple exercise that I have developed and can share as a practice that will awaken and sensitize your body to the healing sound of silence and its enveloping presence. Bring you attention to your breath as a whole body activity. Let the inhale and exhale be a full body movement.  Stay with this sensation until you feel all of yourself is breathing. Now evoke the Presence of Silence into your surrounding space. Imagine Silence appears and envelops the atmosphere around you in a sacred, respectful way. Allow the power of Silence to filter out all other noise. Let silence contain you, so you may open up deeply into your space. Now allow yourself to listen to the fullness of Silence as a Presence. It asks nothing of you. Allow yourself to sense the power of Silence. It is fertile in its' emptiness.  If you evoke Silence as a Presence then it can envelop you in a gentle way. You will discover that your breathing relaxes, as does your body. You can begin to feel and take stock in what your body has actually absorbed that day and needs to assimilate, digest and eliminate. Silence provides a mantle of protection for you so you can take the necessary time to slow down and not lose yourself. Practice the art of just being.